FALL TO FLY (:
mylife, yourcall.
Dear Jesus,my last teenage year and yes, i do feel more matured than i used to be.this year made me realise what i really treasure in life.im blogging this to you cos i wanna show you how much u mean to me, i want others to know how i feel about you, cos you matter to me too much to be hidden.thank you for holding me in place the last 18 years of my life, for leading my feet to the paths you paved, for putting crossroads to help me align myself when i went array.i have one wish this birthday, that you help me give you my all, and i mean my all this year.thats a "whole year/whole life" wish.but if i could be given the privilege of asking for a specific birthday gift today,i would cry out, "Jesus, would you please walk into my room and have a conversation with me?""i know your presence is always with me, but im not satisfied with that. i want you in front of me, sitting in front of me, letting me see you in the natural form.its scary cos i dont know what to expect if u actually do walk in but i want it nevertheless. cos i have so much to tell you, so much of my heart to show you, so many dreams to discuss with you, so many people i wanna pray for, so many secrets to tell you, so much tears to shed, so many jokes to share, so many funny moments to laugh together with you, so many people i wish to save.i really dont have much to give you, but i could offer you my comfy bed in my room where we could just sit down and talk. i could offer you nice speakers to listen to praise and worship.i could play and sing a few parts of songs i wrote to you on the guitar.i could offer you some food and drinks if u wanted and spend the entire night together just chilling out in an aircon room. i could offer you my favourite mogu bright green pillow to cuddle with, or my comfy comfortor if youd actually want it.i could offer you my life through small ways and every way.
i have trophies in this room of mine, mostly through the sporting arena, but most importantly, i really wanna ask you how u were feeling when i shined for you in small things like these.
i wanna ask you to show me ur expression that u wore when i won races and matches, i wanna know how proud you were of me.
i wanna show you my prayer journal where my deepest emotions and prayers were penned down, where i wrote letters to you. i know youve read them already, but i wanna flip through the pages with you together. cos i wanna ask you how u felt when i fell, how u felt when i disobeyed, how u felt when i neglected you. i know youd probably say theres no need to cos uve already forgiven me, but id bug u to tell me, cos i wanna know and avoid grieving you in any similar way. i wanna ask you how much you love me and see you show me love through your very nature.i wanna ask you what you see in me, and hear it audibly for myself that you see "everything in me"i wanna look at your nail pierced hands and realise for myself how much u sacrificed cos you loved me so.i wanna ask you for radical plans to impact othersi wanna ask and be assured that ill be used mightily by you.i wanna show you past letters given by people and just feel nostalgic with you beside me.i wanna show you pictures in my computer and share the memories i had with others with you.i wanna ask you for the plans you have for my future, and im not gonna settle on just "i have plans to prosper you and not to harm you", i would bug you for details.i would let you smell my favourite perfume, and show u my favourite outfit.but most importantly, i wanna ask you how to love you and others more.i wanna look into your eyes of love and compassion, and lean on your chest to hear your heartbeat.i would be very honoured if you told me ur secrets of your kingdom, and let me lie in your arms and embrace. i would be the happiest girl on earth. i really would. i would wanna hear you wish me "happy birthday", and hear how much i mean to you, and tell you how much you mean to me, but of course it would pale in comparison.
but then again, maybe when i do see you, nothing of the above mentioned will matter anymore, but still,
Jesus would you please walk into my room tonight? "your child,CONS
Blogged @ 3:52 AM