FALL TO FLY (:

today reiterated the lesson that doing the right thing is never easy.
in fact, its one of the hardest things ever.
"who ever said doing the right thing is easy? - no one''
" but the rewards and promises are garaunteed"
- and with that i hold on to what pleases God, and trust him for everything else.

sometimes i think its funny how we try to take things in our own stride,
handle situations, handle emotions to the best we can.
try to envision our future and plan towards that.
but really, why havent we learnt to just trust God in every step we take,
walking in obedience and supplication every step. wont that make life alot easier and more carefree? if so, why arent we doing so? hmmm.
obedience has been complicated by our own desires, supplication complicated by fear to surrender.

and like mj says, its human nature.
but i think human nature has been overly used as an excuse.
its time to live a life set apart.
to be in the world but not part of the world.
only then, will life makes sense, complete sense.
that im sure.
its not idealistic, its merely something we havent grasped.
trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on ur own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.

- i speak for myself.


im in japan niseko now.
i always longed for the opportunity to sit by a fire place with a nice book, nice music, huddled on a nice couch by the fireplace, wearing layers of clothing to keep warm, and white snow falling right outside the window.
and guess what... its happening right now! hahha. just that its a automatic heater instead of a fireplace and a laptop/netbook instead of a book. haha.

its been a good trip and i honestly feel very blessed, blessed with a family, blessed with the opportunity, and of course generally blessed by God. i look at the snow, and everytime i go up the ski lift, it amazes me how God creates such beautiful things.

today was the second day of skiing, and so far we've been having really good food.
nothing much has changed since 2 years ago back when we came, but i like this apartment better:)

but really, as much as im enjoying myself, they say home is where the heart is, and yes, admittedly its back in spore where home is. but till then, ill make full use of my time here:)
food and everything all paid for hahhaha, what more is there to ask for? lol. this is one of the reasons i dont want to grow up as fast, cos then holidays are not free anymore. haha.

when you are mine and i am yours,
till then, may my every action please you.
may i always be found in your embrace.
for in that secret place, all is laid down and all is found.

when life is on replay, when all i ever desired for is placed before me,
may my choices always be aligned to your upward call for my life.
may the words i speak be few, yet pleasing.
may all i do make you smile.

in my weakness, you are strong.
in my fraility, you are mighty.
in my joy, you are my contentment.
in my life, you are God.
and will always be.


dearest hamy,
i read your blog entry, and i finally read the card you gave me on sunday.
pardon me for not reading it at once, but i always had a thing for cards,
i like to keep it till the right time to read it.

but anyway, ive been so privileged to run along this journey with you.
i dont think i deserve what you mentioned in the card, but it was encouraging nonetheless.
like you, i do better when i pen my thoughts down.
so maybe at the bus stop, at the dinner i couldnt entirely express how i felt.
i never thought a cell like this could make you this happy,
and honestly im very grateful to God for all that has happened.
ive got lots more to say, so ill be emailing you:)


i think its become a habit that i blog before i study proper.
had farewell dinner for hamy at cityhall,
so i decided to stay on here at raffles city starbucks to study,
and ive come to really like it here.
and its good that its pretty near home.
i wish i had the super power to not sleep for the next 2 days plus.
and after that, the super power to sleep for days. that would be nice.
oh wait, i already do have that power:)

so you know when youre stuck at home having to study, sometimes
you get entertainment from the simplest things like YOUTUBE.
i was watching xfactor yesterday, watching how contestants got accepted into the liveshows and how emotional they got, the expression on their faces and how much it meant to them to be accepted and for their mentors to believe in them.

danyl johnson : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUKryu26__Q&feature=PlayList&p=C5318D3920CDA278&index=0&playnext=1

jamie archer : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRRBi6TsD2U&feature=PlayList&p=iPSWjN5P6Vs


stacey : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8tnJkk40UI&feature=PlayList&p=iPSWjN5P6Vs

and and, of course lucie, joe, olly.

i watched these videos and the importance placed on dreams, the importance of the acceptance cos it would mean the world to them, the approval cos it might just be the first time someone believed in them, and then took a back seat and thought to myself, when was the last time i felt this accomplished and happy? arent we supposed to be living a fulfilling life?

- and so the matter of fact is that, unless i feel as happy and accomplished everyday, i havent understood the will of God in my life. i really havent.

imagine feeling this happy everyday, and more?


and now, i start studying:) goodnight!



tonight, im studying outdoors,well partially outdoors.
ive really grown to like the calmness at the patio,
accompanied by crickets.
church today was enjoyable,
like axel mentioned, ive grown to appreciate the small things,
even if its just doing whacky things and eating together as a cell after service.
it did feel like family, the comfort of it all.
hamy is leaving this fridayyy, and i wont be able to meet her anymore.
and reality hit when she left on 23 to tamp with the rest while i was gg to head home. but alls goooddd as long as shes good.

and so, tmr, or rather today, marks the start of a crazy week.
5 days 5 papers, after calculation i realised i have 14 hours of writing to do this week, i just hope my brain and hands wont hurt.
i feel like a time bomb, awaiting 4 30pm on friday.

i only realised i hadnt had dinner at 12 plus am,
so i cooked myself instant noodles,
plonked myself at the patio and started reading for tmrs exam.

in the words of trudy ann and myself, theres no correlation between studying and being bothered by problems. well of course our mind wanders off at times, but we came to an agreement that studying keeps your mind of problems. Not that im suffering from any issue now, but i guess i kind of got to understand why people suppress emotional pain with occupying themselves, busying themselves. to a certain extent, it works. haha. but please dont try it at home.


and tonight, for reasons unknown,
id like to say im not strong enoough,
was never strong enough to overcome whatever life threw at me.
i know it sounds cliche, but God held me throughout.
and i dont apologise for being cliche,
because theres truth in it.





one more week to freedom,
God has been good throughout:)

but stilll, i dont like the feeling of having a major exam the next day.
so im grateful its friday:)
anyway, aunty ivy and wei guo came over for dinner and we had a ball of a time over dinner.
ive got a heap of work and notes that await me,
but ahh well, we'll get over it soon!

sometimes we go around looking for reasons,
we give 10 reasons why or why not.
but i guess, sometimes true love has no reason.
when He loved me, there was no reason to, he just did.
it wasnt even rational, so why did he?
ill never comprehend.




scene : tv area outside my room

grandma: "ah girl ah! when is ur church camp ah?"
me : "why?"
grandma : "i joining the huang jing nian hua competition, you all( all my grandchildren and children and family ) have to come support me. make banners and all!
bro rushes out : "jie! guess what!"
me :"what?"
bro : mama is going to join huang jing nian hua, you know the golden age singing competition!
me: "you all are serious huh?!"
bro and grandma : ''yeah of course"
me : "but mama cant speak chinese properly! how to answer or understand the judges?"
grandma: "can one lah, my friends say my voice very good, so they signed me up"

and we laughed for a good 10 minutes, walked into the room, and darren gerald and i discussed how we wouild go about doing it, without embarrassing ourselves and dashing her hopes.



but whew, it turned out to be a prank.
i tell you, we were seriously shocked and contemplating what to do,
and already decidin on cheers hahahaha.

but just to check again,
me: "mama, you sure u not joining? or u heard our responses then u embarrassed to go?"
grandma : "you think i so daring ah?! my friend going lah, i just going to support her!"

WHEWWWWW.

that gave me my daily dose of laughter,
i needed it especially after studying a good 8 hrs today on geog and math.
i seriously need grace.
more than grace, i need mercy. haha.




if theres anything good that comes out of this, its all God:)
im dead serious.


so i just got back from jogging,
not very long a jog thanks to the lightning flashes across the whole sky,
but it felt good nevertheless.
i dont like jogging actually, i dont see much thrill in
the routine, id rather play a ball game or sprint.
but when lethergy creeps in,
jogging helps i guess.

time flies when you least want it to,
and creeps when u beg for it not to.

i feel like blading,
i feel like going skiing
i feel like going on a holiday shopping spree
i feel like doing anything other than mug. haha.


''the familar scent
somewhat edged in my mind.
the familar knowing of what is to come
creeping in and out up there.
i dream a dream in a dream,
intangible and unreal.
yet, an evocation of hope made so evident.
in the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds,
im thinking signs and seasons as the north wind blows through,
walking stories, whos and hows and whys.
ill be holding back the darkest nights for you.
and i find myself wanting to move to your rhythm of love''
cos...

- Your love is extravagant.





seasons come seasons go.
life is good, it really is,
except for the fact that i have exams that will only end on the 20th nov.
arghh, but i guess, unknowingly the structure and having a sense of direction at the very least
is playing an essential part in life being good.

seasons come seasons go,
we'll walk it well when the time comes.
seasons come seasons go,
lets just go with His flow.

im happy:)
but the exam feeling is abit irritating.
you see, i dont like pressure, never did, never will.


i just got back from the airport,
i know its a rather unearthly hour,
but i cant exactly help it that im more or a night person than a morning person.
you see, ive been trying to sleep early and wake up early.
but when it comes to the best time to study,
i think i can safely say i still prefer studying at night.
though i wish sometimes i was a morning person.

at this point in time, my teeth are hurting from the rubber bands that i havent been wearing consistently.

and i have a thought about greatness.
again, have you ever felt like there was such greatness in you?
1. this sense of greatness you know u always had inside but havent reached a point in your life where you meet that time of convergence, where you say to urself "this is what i was created for?"
2. or maybe, this greatness hasnt been discovered by anyone, not even yourself, either case,
deeply embedded in each of us is ; greatness.
3. and if you always knew u had greatness in you all along, do u know in which direction you should be channeling your greatness towards? and maybe im not just talking about the end call for our lives, im thinking the small steps of progress we take towards that high call in life, do we really know what is required of ourselves?

till then,
the definition of me is You


today while doing math,
i felt God's joy come over me. ( i dont know why all of sudden ) haha
but it was as if, there wasnt any other place i wanted to be other than in his will,
his presence.

and oh, did i mention that the meeting with Lance wallnau was amazing?
great insights, great communication skills.
botanical gardens tmr early morning, i need to get some rest.
and mug till i survive :)

and nothing's gonna hold me back.
cos my chains are lost,
my heart is freee.
cos you gave everything for me.
you gave everything for me.

i sleep happy:)

- get busy, get going, get a life.


we tend to always want what we cant get,
but really, if what we wanted all along was placed right before us, in our face to receive,
would we take it?

- if not, then why do we desire for it so much?

The general prejudice against Mr Darcy is so violent, that it would be the death of half the good people in Meryton, to attempt to place him in a amiable light.

I am not equal to it. Wickham will soon be gone; and therefor it will not signify anybody here, what he really is. Sometime hence it will be all found out and then we may laugh at their stupidity in not knowing it before. At present i will say nothing about it.

"You are quite right. To have his errors made public might ruin him forever. He is now perhaps sorry for what he has done, and anxious to re-establish a character. We must not make him desperate."

- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

if theres nothing good to say, dont speak.


am at starbucks now, about to start and finish importance of being earnest, or so i hope. :)

cycles are cycles cos they repeat.
today, my prayer is that i wont be caught in any negative cycle.

nothing really satisfies,
than when you speak my name.
so tell me that youll never leave
everything will be ok.
in your presence, all fear is gone.
in your presence.
in yur presence is where i belong.
in your presence.
father i returning to things i used to do.
cos somewhere on the journey,
i think i lost hold of the truth.
that nothing really satisfies
than when you speak my name.
so tell me that youll never leave,
and everything will be okay.
- jason upton.

last night i had a talk with tong neng at the bus stop,
and i left thinking about sticking through decisions we make in life.
- relative.



we are meant to be heartmenders, not heartbreakers.

in our own pursuits, we should be pulling people along.
in reaching our destiny, we look out for others.
on this journey, we hold other hands.
in everything we do, we do not break people.

- the breaking is done by God. not us.

recently, ive been quite tired of hearing marriages fail, divorces, relationships broken, parties getting hurt all in the name of love.
grandma told me this dire state her friend is in, with her husband running along with a woman 25 years old younger, claiming that shes just his god daughter.

firstly, if so, it brings the connotation of God to trampled ground.
secondly, we dont hurt people we love. thats just the blunt truth.
and even if it kills us to try to evoke some trickle of love for the other party, we have no right to hurt them.

-im speaking for myself.
love is not meant to be painful, it was never intended to be.


at this moment, in my head is e thought of intimacy.

its funny yet amazing how no matter how strong a front we put on,
how uptight one may look,
we have certain inclinations to certain people, certain passions.
and the truth of the matter is, we all have certain people we want to be abit closer with, abit more intimate with.
mind you, im not just referring to just physical intimacy, but really just intimacy as a whole,
in terms of time spent, emotions poured out, secrets, support, understandings.
and as i listened to wrap me in your arms by Michael Gungor, i realised God is no different.
and this inclination he has is towards his children.

today, in the car on the way to the airport with grandma to collect my phone, i had one of the best talks with grandma. she was sharing me events of my younger days, sharing with me events i never really knew about. there and then in the car, God's presence hit me and i couldnt stop crying. grandma thought i was frustrated or upset but all i could say was, "nah im not upset". in fact, i was crying cos i felt so loved by God. how i saw him answer prayers from before, and i felt as if day by day, i was living in his miracle. it wasnt a fancy talk, nothing BOOMZ. but there and then, i found yet again who i am in God, how he has held me in place since day 1, and how he has NEVER failed me.



we return to same places,
different intentions.
we return to same situations,
different desires.
we return to the same comfort,
different words.
we return to time and space,
making sure we learn, not falling back into the same cycles in life.

and in fact, in that returning and steering away, we are moving forward.

last night, i left my blackberry at starbucks aiport.
today, i dropped my camera and the screen cracked.
i think its a sign to stay away from technology for a month.
i should live in the mountains.

anyway, i think i should go jogging in awhile to do away with this lethargy.
and i feel like flying away, going on a holiday!
ive really been a overseas holiday person, but when my exams near, i always feel like flying away. hahah, and by now, you should be able to conclude that it is very much evoked by escapism, stress coping mechanism.
- the nothing box? haha

but God has been good. he has always been good.



-brooke fraser.


essay writing sucks brain juice.
i found a new work station for myself at home.
the biggest table in the house - the dining table. :)
and i wonder why i dont find a proper place.


so, im in bed, under my comfortor, with aircon blowing right at me:) nice.
mr ho agreed to postponing our lesson to next week cos
i havent been taking care of my body enough.
anyway, ive a heap of notes awaiting and calling out to me.
essays that i should be writing.
and im deciding what time i should be starting on them.

this morning, i woke up with the thought that im very blessed.
being able to wake up in peace.
being able to even wake up and live another day.
having people who love and care for me.
serving a God who never fails.



and...... then theres the blackberry. HAHA.


the stress factor is creeping into me.
seriouslyyyyyyyyyyy.
apparently this optimism i have inside me works for me and against me.
no pain no gain no pain no gain.

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.
He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.
So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.
We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.
Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.
This is one of the characteristic of love... to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life... all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the "rose" within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

- i learnt, dont judge for there is always a rose within.
run your own race, dont interfere another's race.
in our own faithfulness to our own race, we impact those around us.


i need to wash up and sleep.
i cannot be the pig i am anymore. :)